A Special Dream

I have waiting a while to share these journal entries with anyone outside of my family.

Some background:  On December 2, 2011, I had a dream in the early morning.  It was vivid.  I was deeply emotional after that, so I asked my dear friend Amanda to meet me for breakfast at the Sunflower Bakery in Galveston.  I briefly shared my dream with her, had a comforting chat, and then drove to Target.  On my way there, I called my mom to tell her about my dream.  I parked and wept over the phone with her.  She thanked me for sharing it with her, said "I love you," and then I went about my day.  I wrote the following journal entry that afternoon.

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***December 2, 2011

Sweet Brother,

     I had another dream early this morning while it was still dark.
     Outside, the family was having a cookout on a hill.  Mom and the girls were laughing at the picnic table.  This hill was steeply sloped and very green--like the shire in The Lord of the Rings.  Dad was grilling over an open flame while holding Logan in his other arm.  Then he said something to me about you that made me cry, and he was being pessimistic about life.  I turned away, not in the mood to listen to him at the time and that's when I saw you, because he chose to only see the regrets [content removed by me].
     I asked everyone, "Am I the only one having this vision?"  And I couldn't take my eyes off of you for fear of losing you.
     Hesitantly, I walked closer, and you to me.  You weren't very tall, and even some of your handsomeness was gone.  Your hair looked as it did when you were young,--like 10 or 12.
     Finally, you were close enough for me to hold you.  We slowly put our arms around each other.  You were shorter than me, but still only 2 years younger.  I put my face in your neck to smell you.  And slowly, firmly, I hugged you to me.
     Stroking you hair, I cried.
     Then I took you away from our family crowd.
     Sitting on the grass, which was cooling, and in the soothing breeze in the shade of trees, you pulled away from me silently, as if to say you must go.  So sadly and despairingly I said, "I just want you to know, our (mine and Austin's) children.." During that sentence, I blinked my eyes closed, and upon opening them, saw that you were gone.  Then I looked to the grass and noticed a photograph folded in half.  I picked it up, knowing you had left it for me and beheld the beautiful face of a 4-year-old girl.  She had a hear-shaped face, tanned skin, and long, wavy brown hair.
     In my own mind, I somehow knew she was my daughter.
     She was in your arms, the arms of her Uncle Jordan, laughing and leaning forward into the camera, with her soft locks falling forward, too.
     As I moved the photograph, the person holding her turned into Austin.
     Somehow, you had really held and played with her.--This child who had not even been born.  Then I knew--you know far more than I did, and you were content--because you had the knowledge of God [revealed to Jordan--fully knowing as he was then in Heaven].  And you were whole.  Looking back to the spot where you had disappeared, I saw you one last time.  You looked at peace.
     Because you had revealed something to me for comfort and hope.  Your eyes said, "Don't mourn for me..."***

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Having no idea that anything was really different about my body, I thought that night as I was going to bed, that I would take a pregnancy test just because of that strange dream I had.  I showered while waiting for the results.  Upon hopping out of the tub, and having no glasses on, I peered at that little joy stick and read the word, "Pregnant."  In complete disbelief, I ran to Austin in the living room, hardly breathing, and said, "Read that for me! What?!" 

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***February 26, 2012

The day of my previous journal entry, December 2, I found out later that evening that I AM pregnant.  It was one of the best days of my life.  That dream was strangely prophetic.  Love you. ***

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Then just months later, after having shared the beautiful dream with all the members of my family, and crying with them, Austin and I revealed the gender of our baby to family by hiding pink paraphernalia in a pinata.  As we broke it and the pink fluff and candy came pouring out, I turned to see each member of my beloved family in tears.  We all knew.  Thank you, Lord.  And Jordan has held her.